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[FloridaDean]

lady's daughter called asking if I had any oil. apparently her deadbeat live in boyfriend ran her 2018 Dodge Dart to the point that the oil sensor came on, or had been on for a looooong time, and won't start.

How much does he drive it that it's that new and already completely shot on oil?

Indeed.  Perhaps it's a typo, 2008 Dart.

nope, 2018, brand spanking new.

my mistake, she got it last summer, before the deadbeat, and it's never seen servicing.

She put 60,000 miles on it in the last year?

I have no idea how many miles are on it. I know that one accident was caused by another driver but nothing was ever done.

[FloridaDean]

lady's daughter called asking if I had any oil. apparently her deadbeat live in boyfriend ran her 2018 Dodge Dart to the point that the oil sensor came on, or had been on for a looooong time, and won't start.

They still make the Dart?

Nope, poor seller.  Our family owned one when I was a teenager.  POS car.

I had a '66 Dodge Dart with the slant 6 that had over 300,000 miles on it but the body rotted off it. sold to a local guy that engraved tombstones, he pulled the engine to power his sandblaster. I wouldn't be surprised if it's still not running.

[FloridaDean]

lady's daughter called asking if I had any oil. apparently her deadbeat live in boyfriend ran her 2018 Dodge Dart to the point that the oil sensor came on, or had been on for a looooong time, and won't start.

How much does he drive it that it's that new and already completely shot on oil?

Indeed.  Perhaps it's a typo, 2008 Dart.

nope, 2018, brand spanking new.

my mistake, she got it last summer, before the deadbeat, and it's never seen servicing.

She put 60,000 miles on it in the last year?

Tony, forget it, you aren't going to figure this one out. Standby for the restraining order then ask questions.

yep, just a matter of time.

[FloridaDean]

A female opossum broke into a closed liquor store and helped herself to some whiskey, passed out, and was later discovered by a Cash’s Liquor employee sitting next to an empty bottle the next morning. The opossum was brought to the Emerald Coast Wildlife refuge where she was flushed with fluids, then sent to Delray Beach for rehab.

[FloridaDean]

In Florida, even our birds are a bunch of thieves. A 67-year-old woman named Irene donned a giant turkey costume this past November and headed to a Belks in Lady Lake, where police claim surveillance cameras saw her stuffing said turkey costume with purses, jewelry, and a waffle maker. “I was hoping to wear my costume to court,” she said to Pittman in an interview. Which will undoubtedly land her on this list again in 2018.

[FloridaDean]

Once upon a time, if you owed people a bunch of money all you had to do was move to Florida, and they’d never find you again. That’s a little harder now, so Marc Anthony Perez had to get creative after a Pennsylvania couple discovered the $13,000 he’d charged them for renovations to their winter home never got done. After being hounded for weeks he sent a text message from his “daughter” claiming he’d died in a car accident. Smelling something rotten, one of the victims staked out Perez’s home until he found him walking outside one morning, very much alive. A lawsuit against him is still pending.

[FloridaDean]

One might think eliminating cars would cut down on the number of chop shops in a city. But then one vastly underestimates the criminal will of a Floridian. In June, Sumter County Sheriff’s deputies raided a home in The Villages -- the retirement community best known for STD outbreaks and golf carts -- and found evidence of an underground golf cart chop shop. The alleged shop was run by Kathleen Unrath, who had moved in with her elderly uncle to “take care of him.” A relative term she apparently took to mean “use his garage to sell illicit electric cart parts.”

[FloridaDean]

When you move to Florida, nobody tells you convicted felons with gunshot wounds to the crotch might come screaming into your house. But that’s exactly what happened to a Jacksonville woman who allowed a man into her home after he arrived panicked, claiming he’d just “accidentally” sat on a gun in his car and shot himself in the penis. Calmly, she took him to a nearby hospital. It was later discovered the man had a cocaine possession conviction from 2004, and could possibly return to prison for unlawful firearms possession.

[Threebean]

lady's daughter called asking if I had any oil. apparently her deadbeat live in boyfriend ran her 2018 Dodge Dart to the point that the oil sensor came on, or had been on for a looooong time, and won't start.

They still make the Dart?

Nope, poor seller.  Our family owned one when I was a teenager.  POS car.

I had a '66 Dodge Dart with the slant 6 that had over 300,000 miles on it but the body rotted off it. sold to a local guy that engraved tombstones, he pulled the engine to power his sandblaster. I wouldn't be surprised if it's still not running.

By mid-70's it was a different car.  American auto industry was in decline as well.  Our Dart had a bad habit of dying in intersections, most memorably on prom night.  Great way to impress a girl, BTW. 

[FloridaDean]

Naked men running through your house and trying on your clothes? Apparently a normal Tuesday in New Smyrna. Though it was still a shock to 82-year-old Sylvia Garmon who found Joseph Vaglica in his birthday suit breaking into her garage. She called 911 and went to her son-in-law’s house next door, as Vaglica spent the rest of the morning running in and out of Garmon’s house, sometimes naked and sometimes dressed in her clothing. He was later arrested.

[FloridaDean]

Admit it: Every time you go to one of those funky beach bars with dollars stapled to the wall you think “How come nobody ever takes all of those?” Well, Danny Limongelli took it a step further, breaking into the Siesta Key Oyster Bar and swiping $150 in singles off the wall, then spending them on first thing any self-respecting Florida Man would: a Pub Sub. Finding it odd someone would pay for his chicken tender sandwich with a bunch of bills marked “Bill and Wally: Spring Break ’89!” Publix employees reported him. He was later arrested at a Bealls Outlet.

[FloridaDean]

A female teacher throwing an X-rated party for a former male student typically doesn't raise an eyebrow in Florida. Throwing said party -- complete with penis-shaped hats and vagina-shaped lollipops -- in your classroom, during school hours, with 11-year-olds in attendance? That's just inappropriate. So when a teacher at Mater Lakes Academy in Miami did exactly that this fall, she found herself unemployed. Though when the market for Bat Mitzvah/Bachelorette Parties takes off, she should be set.

[FloridaDean]

Usually when government malfeasance and strippers show up in the same story, it doesn’t involve going a little too crazy in the track lighting aisle. But when Anita Pedemy saw the bills her hubby was racking up at Home Depot, she knew where she could get the money to pay for it: strippers, apparently. Pedemy worked as a clerk for Palm Beach Country and collected fees for the Adult Entertainment Licenses the county issues strippers. Over three years she siphoned off over $27,000 worth of those fees until she was caught this year.  She faces charges of grand theft, fraud, and misconduct.

[FloridaDean]

You’d think anyone who’d watched Zoolander or a Roadrunner cartoon would know not to light a cigarette while transporting propane, but not in Florida. Here we have people like the Orlando couple who were transporting a propane barbecue in their Kia when the woman lit a cigarette. To nobody outside Florida’s surprise, the car quickly became a big, rolling ball of combustion. Fortunately, neither was seriously injured. Though their reputations might be.

[FloridaDean]

Floridians get a bad rap about stupidity, especially seeing how very few people are native to the state, so I guess the spudid people here come from where you live?