Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
-------------------------
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't
realize that he must first deal with his problems on "THIS" side of the
road before it goes after his problems on the "OTHER SIDE" of the road.
What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not
taking on his "CURRENT" problems before adding "NEW" problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems,
which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having
the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of
life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive
across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly
see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road ..
ANDERSON COOPER - CNN: We have reason to believe there is a
chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other side of
the road.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road,
I am now against it. It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled
about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain
against it. Probably.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY!
You can see it in his eyes, and in the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking
American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me what direction
that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to
sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave
me any insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken - cross the road? Did he cross it -
with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road - but why it crossed -
I've not been told!
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.
JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken is gay! Can't you people
see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to
the "other side." That's why they call it, the "other side." Yes, my
friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will
become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this
abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless
phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be crossing the
road. It's as plain and as simple as that.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the
road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was
good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: In a few moments, we will be listening for
the first time,that same chicken tell us, in its own words, the
heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting,
and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens .... It's easy, if you
try ..... Crossing roads, together .... Hoping not to die .....
Imagine all, the chickens .... Crossing, roads, in peace ....
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2000, Millennium
Edition, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your
important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer
is a integral part of eChicken. This new platform is much more stable
and will never cras ... #@&&^(!
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did
the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What
is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken!
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
