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[CigarBanter]

What's up cigar enthusiasts?!  Any cigar deals on the various internet sites that are worth talking about? Join in this discussion and perhaps learn something along the way.  Warning: don't proceed if you have thin skin but don't be afraid to post either...  And welcome aboard!

[A Friend of Charlie]

Not exactly the anniversary yet, but it'll be here soon.  Happy Friday!

[SLY]

Not exactly the anniversary yet, but it'll be here soon.  Happy Friday!

/// Night, Tony.  Have to head home now.  When's the Anni?

[A Friend of Charlie]

Not exactly the anniversary yet, but it'll be here soon.  Happy Friday!

/// Night, Tony.  Have to head home now.  When's the Anni?

June 1st

[LSUFAN]

Good morning guys.

[LSUFAN]

On this day in history ..
0526 - Antioch struck by Earthquake; about 250,000 die
0757 - St Paul I begins his reign as Catholic Pope
1138 - Anti-Pope Victor IV (Gregorio) overthrows self for Innocentius II
1167 - Lombard League defeat Frederick Barbarossa at Battle of Legnano
1176 - Battle at Legnano: Lombardi League beats Frederik Barbarossa
1415 - Council of Konstanz
1453 - Constantinople falls to Muhammad II (Turks); ends Byzantine Empire
1453 - French banker Jacques Coeurs possessions confiscated
1506 - Earl Willem I van Nassau-Dillenburg weds countess Walburg van Egmont
1576 - Spanish army under Mondrag¢n conquerors Zierik sea
1630 - Gov John Winthrop begins "History of New England"
1652 - English Admiral Robert Blake drives out Dutch fleet under lt-adm Tromp
1660 - Charles II restored to English throne after Puritan Commonwealth
1692 - Battle at La Hogue: English & Dutch fleet beat France
1692 - Royal Hospital Founders Day 1st celebrated
1721 - South Carolina formally incorporated as a royal colony
1727 - Peter II Aleksei (11) becomes czar of Russia
1753 - Joseph Haydns "Krumme Teufel," premieres
1765 - Patrick Henry historic speech against the Stamp Act, answering a cry of "Treason!" with, "If this be treason, make the most of it!"
1787 - "Virginia Plan" proposed
1790 - Rhode Is becomes last of original 13 colonies ratifying Constitution
1848 - Battle at Curtazone: Austrians beat Sardinia-Piemonte
1848 - Wisconsin becomes 30th state
1849 - Patent for lifting vessels granted to Abraham Lincoln
1849 - Lincoln says "You can fool some of the people all of the time, & of people some of time, but you can't fool all of the people all of time"
1861 - Dorothea Dix offers help in setting up hospitals for Union Army
1864 - M‚xican Emperor Maximilian arrives at Vera Cruz
1874 - Present constitution of Switzerland takes effect
1884 - 1st steam cable trams start in highgate
1889 - August Strindberg's "Hemsoborna," premieres in Copenhagen
1897 - 31st Belmont: J Scherrer aboard Scottish Cheiftain wins in 2:23¬

[LSUFAN]

1900 - 25th Preakness: H Spencer aboard Hindus wins in 1:48.4
1900 - Trademark "Escalator" registered by Otis Elevator Co
1902 - Dutch State Mine law forms
1905 - Pogrom against Jewish community in Brisk Lithuania
1909 - Frank "Home Run" Baker's 1st career home run
1910 - Pope's encyclical on Editae Saepe, against church reformers
1911 - 1st running of Indianapolis 500
1912 - 15 young women fired by Curtis Publishing for dancing "Turkey Trot" during their lunch break
1914 - Ship rams Canadian ship Empress of Ireland on St Lawrence R; 1024 die
1916 - NY Giants win 17th consecutive road game
1916 - Official flag of president of US adopted
1916 - US forces invade Dominican Republic, stay until 1924
1919 - Charles Strite patents pop-up toaster
1919 - Einstein's light-bending prediction confirmed by Arthur Eddington
1922 - Ecuador becomes independent
1922 - US Supreme Court rules organized baseball is a sport & not a business & thus not subject to antitrust laws
1928 - Fritz von Opel reaches 200 kph in experimental rocket car
1935 - Hague local museum opens
1940 - Adolf Kiefer swims world record 100 yards backstroke (58.8 sec)
1940 - Arthur Seyss-Inquart installed as Reich commissar of Hague Neth
1940 - In WW II, Germans capture Ostend & Ypres in Belgium & Lille in France
1942 - Bing Crosby records "White Christmas," greatest selling record to date
1943 - Confederacy of Algiers (Churchill-Marshall-Eisenhower)
1943 - Meat & cheese rationed in US
1944 - British troops occupy Aprilia Italy
1945 - US 1st Marine division conquerors Shuri-castle Okinawa
1946 - KVP wins Provincial National election in Netherlands
1949 - Candid Camera, TV comedy Variety, moves to NBC
1951 - 1st North Pole flight in single engine plane-CF Blair
1952 - 2nd Round Conference between Dutch Antilles & Suriname ends
1953 - Edmund P Hillary & Tensing Norkay are 1st to reach summit of Everest
1954 - Kirk & Anne Douglas married
1954 - Pope Pius X issues holy declaration
1955 - Jordan government of Tewfik Abdul Huda resigns
1956 - Arnold Sch”nberg's "Modern Psalm," premieres
1956 - WESH TV channel 2 in Daytona Beach-Orlando, FL (NBC) 1st broadcast
1957 - Algerian rebels kill 336 collaborators
1957 - Laos govt of prince Suvanna Phuma resigns
1957 - NYC Mayor Robert Wagner says he plans to confer with the Giants & Dodgers about the proposed move to the west coast
1958 - Real Madrid wins 3rd Europe Cup 1 in Brussels
1959 - Charles de Gaulle forms French govt
1960 - Everly Brothers "Cathy's Clown" hits #1
1962 - Barbra Streisand appears on "Garry Moore Show"

[LSUFAN]

1965 - Phillies Dick Allen hits 529' HR out of Connie Mack Stadium
1966 - Carol Mann wins LPGA Baton Rouge Ladies Golf Invitational
1967 - Australian Paul McManus water skis barefoot for 1:30:19
1967 - Pope Paul VI names 27 new cardinals, including Karol Wojtyla, archbishop of Krakow, who later became Pope John Paul II
1968 - Manchester United wins 13rd Europe Cup 1 in London
1968 - Truth in Lending Act signed into law
1968 - UN resolves sanctions on white-minority-ruled Rhodesia
1969 - Britain's Trans-Arctic expedition makes 1st crossing of Arctic Sea ice
1970 - USSR performs nuclear test (underground)
1971 - Court Room by Clarence Carter hits #61
1972 - Sandra Palmer wins LPGA Titleholders Golf Championship
1973 - Thomas Bradley elected 1st black mayor of Los Angeles Calif
1973 - Columbia Records fires president Clive Davis for misappropriating $100,000 in funds, Davis will start Arista records
1974 - Northern Ireland is brought under direct rule from Westminster
1976 - "One Piece At A Time" by Johnny Cash hits #29
1976 - Only HR of Joe Niekro's 22-year career, comes off brother Phil
1977 - A J Foyt wins Indianapolis 500 for a record 4th time
1977 - NBC News & Information Service (24 hr news) ends on radio
1977 - Sandra Spuzich wins LPGA Lady Keystone Golf Open
1977 - USSR performs nuclear test at Eastern Kazakh/Semipalitinsk USSR
1977 - Janet Guthrie becomes 1st woman to drive in Indy 500
1977 - Sue Press is 1st woman golfer to hit consecutive holes-in one
1978 - 1st class postage now 15› (13› for 3 years)
1978 - Nancy Lopez wins LPGA Golden Lights Golf Championship
1978 - USSR performs nuclear test at Eastern Kazakh/Semipalitinsk USSR
1979 - Bishop Abel Muzorewa is sworn in as Zimbabwe's 1st black PM
1979 - Radio's 1st rock network "Source" premieres
1980 - "Billy Bishop Goes to War" opens at Morosco Theater NYC for 12 perfs
1980 - 53rd National Spelling Bee: Jacques Bailly wins spelling elucubrate
1980 - Attempted assassination on Vernon Jordan Jr National Urban League pres
1980 - J Turners "Juliet & Her Nurse" sold for $6,400,000 in NYC
1980 - Larry Bird beats out Magic Johnson for NBA rookie of year
1981 - US performs nuclear test at Nevada Test Site
1982 - "I Know What Boys Like," by The Waitresses hits #62
1982 - 1st papal visit to Britain since 1531
1982 - Pentagon plans 1st strategy to fight a nuclear war
1983 - Patty Sheehan wins LPGA Corning Golf Classic
1983 - Yuri Dumchev of USSR throws discus a record 71.86 m
1984 - Boston Red Sox retires #9 (Ted Williams) & #4 (Joe Cronin)
1985 - Juventus wins 30th Europe Cup 1 in Brussels, 39 die in riot

[LSUFAN]

1986 - 59th National Spelling Bee: Jon Pennington wins spelling odontalgia
1987 - "Twilight Zone" director John Landis found innocent in death of actor
1987 - Michael Jackson attempts to buy Elephant Man's remains
1987 - Robin Ventura set a college baseball record with hits in 57 games
1988 - Graeme Hick scores his 1,000th run of 1st-class cricket season
1988 - President Zia ul-Haq fires government/disbands parliament in Pakistan
1988 - Sherri Turner wins LPGA Corning Golf Classic
1989 - Phillies 3rd baseman Mike Schmidt, 39, retires
1989 - Student protesters in China construct a replica of Statue of Liberty
1990 - An earthquake hit Peru, killing 56
1990 - Boris Yeltsin is elected president of the Russian republic
1990 - Dow Jones avg hits a record 2,870.49
1990 - Mets replace manager Davey Johnson with Buddy Harrelson
1990 - NY Mets fire manager Davey Johnson & hire Bud Harrelson
1990 - Rickey Henderson steals record 893rd base, breaking Ty Cobb's record
1991 - "Les Miserables," opens at ACTEA Theatre, Auckland NZ
1991 - Crevena Zvezda wins 36th Europe Cup I
1992 - NY Mets score in 9th to end home shut-out streak at 3 games
1992 - White Sox Tim Raines swipes his 700th career base
1993 - Nazi's kill 5 Turkish women in Solingen Germany
1993 - Texas Ranger Jose Canseco pitches 8th inning in 15-1 loss to Red Sox, he gives up 3 runs on 2 hits & 3 walks, he damages his arm
1994 - "Joseph & the Amazing" closes at Minskoff Theater NYC after 223 perfs
1994 - "Picnic" closes at Criterion Theater NYC after 45 performances
1994 - Al Unser Jr wins 78th Indianapolis 500 in 3:06:29.006 (255.89 kph)
1994 - Beth Daniel wins LPGA Corning Golf Classic
1994 - Great comet-iceball seen above North sea
1994 - Hungary's Socialist Party wins parliamentary election
1994 - Patty Sheehan wins J C Penney/LPGA Skins Golf Game
1996 - Space Shuttle STS 77 Endeavour 11), lands
1997 - 70th National Spelling Bee: Rebecca Sealfon wins spelling euonym
1997 - Jesse Timmedequas, found guilty of rape/murder of Megan Kanka, 7
1997 - Span scientists announce new human species in 780,000 year old fossil

[LSUFAN]

Famous birthdays for this day ..

1627 - Anne ML of Orl‚ans, duchess of Montpensier (Grand Mademoiselle)
1630 - Charles II, King of England (1660-85)
1673 - Cornelis van Bijnkershoek, lawyer/president of High Council
1716 - Louis J M Daubenton, French zoologist
1730 - William Jackson, composer
1731 - Orazio Mei, composer
1736 - Patrick Henry, US, patriot "Give me liberty or give me death"
1741 - Johann Gottfried Krebs, composer
1791 - Pietro Romani, composer
1810 - Erasmus Darwin Keyes, Major General (Union volunteers), died in 1895
1810 - Juan B Alberdi, [Figarillo], Argentina politician/writer
1810 - Solomon Meredith, Bvt Major General (Union volunteers), died in 1875
1824 - Cadmus Marcellus Wilcox, Major General (Confederate Army)
1825 - David Bell Birney, Major General (Union volunteers), died in 1864
1826 - Ebenezer Butterick, inventor (tissue paper dress pattern)
1827 - Reuben Lindsay Walker, Brig General (Confederate Army), died in 1890
1837 - Alexander F de Savornin Lohmann, Dutch minister/party leader (CHU)
1837 - Luca Fumagalli, composer
1839 - Ned Gregory, cricketer (bro of Dave, father of Syd Played 1st Test)
1840 - Hans Makart, Austrian painter (Plague in Florenz)
1843 - Emile Pessard, composer
1846 - Albert Gy”rgy earl Apponyi, Hungarian minister of Education
1851 - L‚on VA Bourgeois, French premier (1895-96, Nobel 1920)
1852 - Jindrich z Albestu Kaan, composer
1860 - Isaac [Manuel F] Alb‚niz, Spanish pianist/composer (Iberia)
1864 - A H Borgesius, Dutch amateur astronomer
1868 - Fr‚deric baron d'Erlanger, French composer/banker
1874 - Gilbert Keith Chesterton, England, novelist (Man Who Made Gold)
1880 - Oswald Spengler, Germany, philosopher (Decline of West)
1881 - Frederik Septimus Kelly, composer
1883 - William Beatton Moonie, composer
1885 - Erwin F Finlay-Freundlich, British astronomer (theory of relativity)
1890 - Francis de Bourguignon, composer
1892 - Alfonsina Storni, Argentine poet (La inquietud del rosal)
1894 - Beatrice Lillie, Toronto, comedian/actress (Around World in 80 Days)
1894 - Josef von Sternberg, Austrian director (Der blaue Engel)
1896 - George L Funke, botanist (Flower Physiology)
1897 - Erich Wolfgang Korngold, Brno Austria, movie composer (Violanta)
1897 - Ignace Lilien, composer

[LSUFAN]

1904 - Robert Knox, bacteriologist
1905 - Fela Sowande, composer
1905 - Jan [Johannes] Teulings, Dutch actor/director (That Joyous Eve)
1905 - Sebastian Shaw, Holt England, actor (Return of Jedi, Chimera)
1906 - Hans Joachim Schaeuble, composer
1906 - Terence Hanbury White, Bombay India, novelist (England Have My Bones)
1907 - Desmond Shawe-Taylor, critic
1909 - Neil R[onald] Jones, US, sci-fi author (Space War, Twin Worlds)
1910 - Agnes Beatrice Read, medical social worker
1911 - James Marjoribanks, British ambassador
1911 - Louis Wain, agricultural scientist
1912 - John B M R "John" Hanlo, Dutch poet (Go to the Mosque)
1913 - Douglas Black, physician
1913 - Iris Adrian, LA Calif, actress (Blue Hawaii, Bluebeard)
1915 - David Jenklins, librarian (National Library of Wales)
1915 - Igor Buketoff, Hartford Conn, conductor (Iceland Symph 1964-65)
1915 - Lord Huntingfield, British agent to UN Secreteriat
1916 - Carl M Story, fiddler
1917 - John Fitzgerald Kennedy, Mass, (Sen-D-Mass), 35th Pres (1961-1963)
1918 - Herb Shriner, humorist/TV host (Herb Shriner Show)
1918 - Isabel Dean, Engl, actress (5 Days one Summer, Virgin Island, Ransom)
1920 - Robin Haydon, British diplomat
1921 - Clifton James, NYC, actor (Buster & Billie, David & Lisa)
1921 - George Terry, chief constable (Sussex England)
1921 - James Clifton, Spokane Wash, actor (Live & Let Die)
1922 - Iannis Xenakis, Braila Romania, composer/architect/mathematician
1922 - John Heerbecq, Church commissioner
1923 - Earl of Morley, Lord Lt (Devon)
1923 - Richard Worsley, quarter master General

[LSUFAN]

1925 - Kenneth Couzens, CEO (Coal Products)
1926 - Charles Denner, Tarnow Poland, actor (And Now My Love)
1926 - Iannis Xenakis, composer/architect/engineer
1927 - Carl Toms, stage designer (1 Million BC, Moon Zero Two)
1927 - Dick Hillenius, Dutch biologist/writer
1927 - Trevor Holdsworth, CEO (National Power)
1928 - Felix Rohatyn, Vienna Austria, investment banker (NY Big MAC Bonds)
1929 - Anthony Grant, British MP
1929 - Katie Boyle, [Lady Sander Saunders], British broadcaster
1929 - Kennetgh Couzens, CEO (Coal Products)
1930 - Eleanor Fazan, opera/show choreographer (Lassiter, Ruling Class)
1931 - Carl Toms, stage designer
1932 - Paul Erlich
1935 - Andr‚ P Brink, South African writer (Dry White Season)
1935 - Denis J Worrall, South African politician/leader (DP)
1935 - Martin Garrod, Commandant General (Royal Marines)
1936 - Arlene McQuade, NYC, actress (Rosalie-Goldbergs)
1937 - Alwin Schockemohle, horse show jumper
1937 - Irmin Schmidt, rocker (Can)
1937 - Peter Kolman, composer
1938 - Francis Thomas (Fay) Vincent, baseball commissioner
1939 - Al Unser, auto racer (Indianapolis 500-1970, 71)
1939 - Martin Garrod, Commandant General Royal Marines
1939 - Nanette Newman, writer/actress (Endless Game, Of Human Bondage)
1941 - Douglas Scott, mountaineer
1941 - Roy Crewsdon, Manchester, rocker (Freddie & The Dreamers)
1942 - Kevin Conway, NYC, actor (Flash Point, Cage of Angels)
1943 - Bob Edgar, (Rep-D-PA, 1975-87)
1943 - E Thomas Coleman, (Rep-R-MO, 1976- )
1943 - Terry Pavey, editor (TV Times)
1944 - Helmut Berger, actor (Ash Wednesday, Damned, Picture of Dorian Gray)
1944 - Quentin Davies, MP (C)
1945 - Lord Fraser of Carmyllie, Minister of State (Scotland)
1945 - Martin Pipe, horse trainer
1945 - Mike Rossi, rocker (Status Quo)
1946 - Robin Johnson, Brooklyn, actress (Times Square)
1947 - Mark Nelson, Brooklyn NY, crew member (Biosphere 2)
1948 - Anthony Geary, Coalville Utah, actor (Luke/Bill-General Hospital)
1948 - Linda Esther Gray, opera singer
1948 - Michael Berkley, composer/broadcaster

[LSUFAN]

1949 - Francis Rossi, guitarist (Status Quo-Picture of a Matchstick Man)
1949 - Gary Brooker, rock keyboardist (Procol Harum)
1950 - Rebbie [Maureen] Jackson, Gary Indiana, singer (R U Tuff Enuff)
1950 - Talat Ali, cricketer (Pakistani opening batsman in ten Tests 1972-80)
1952 - Louise Cooper, UK, sci-fi author (Nemesis, Inferno, Infanta, Nocturne)
1953 - Danny Elfman, LA Calif, composer (Simspon Show Theme)
1953 - Ranji Nanan, cricketer (Trinidad off-spinner, 1 Test v Pakistan 1981)
1953 - Rick Henderson, Beaumont Tx, singer (Mason Dixon-Karen Comes Around)
1955 - Jerry Dengler, Colo Springs, singer (Mason Dixon-Karen Comes Around)
1955 - John Hinckley Jr, shot & wounded Pres Reagan (1981)
1955 - Mike Porcaro, rock bassist (Toto-Roseanna, Africa)
1956 - Greg R, rocker (Bad)
1956 - La Toya Yvette Jackson, Gary Indiana, singer (Playboy, Millipede)
1956 - Larry Blackmon, rocker (Cameo-Alligator Woman)
1958 - Annette Bening, Topeka KS, actress (Grifters, Bugsy, Valmont) [or 5/5]
1958 - Ivar Sisniega, M‚xico, pentathelete (Olympic-1980)
1958 - Sam Clancy, WLAF defensive assistant coach (Barcelona Dragons)
1959 - Mel Gaynor, Glasgow Scotland, rock drummer (Simple Minds-Water Front)
1959 - Rupert Everett, actor (Princess Daisy, Another Country)
1959 - Tamayo Otsuki, actress (Mrs Yamagami-Davis Rules)
1960 - Adrian Paul, London England, actor (Dance to Win, Highlander)
1961 - David Palmer, heavy metal drummer (ABC, AC/DC)
1961 - Melissa Etheridge, US singer/songwriter/guitarist (Never Enough)
1961 - Todd Boonstra, Minneapolis Minn, cross country skier (Olympics-1994)
1962 - Eric Davis, LA CA, outfielder (Cin Reds)
1962 - Gerry Norquist, Portland OR, Nike golfer (1990 Boise Open-5th)
1963 - Lisa Whelchel, Fort Worth Texas, actress (Blair-Facts of Life)
1963 - Tracey E Bregman Recht, Munich Germany, actress (Days of Our Life)
1965 - Charlie Hayes, Hattisburg MS, 3rd baseman (Pitts Pirates, NY Yankees)
1965 - Emilio Sanchez, Madrid Spain, Tennis player (1988 Olympic bronze)
1965 - Jammo Myllys, Savonlinna FIN, hockey goalie (Team Finland, Oly-Br-98)
1966 - Floyd Turner, NFL wide receiver (Indianapolis Colts)
1967 - Bill Risley, Chicago IL, pitcher (Toronto Blue Jays)
1967 - Karina Orum, Denmark, golfer (Scandinavian champion 1989)
1967 - Mike Keane, Winnipeg, NHL right wing (Colorado Avalanche)
1967 - Ray Bernard, CFL linebacker (Montreal Alouettes)
1968 - Brian Roche, NFL tight end (San Diego Chargers)
1968 - Duane Young, NFL tight end (SD Chargers)

[LSUFAN]

1969 - Toby Borland, Quitman LA, pitcher (Phila Phillies)
1969 - Wiltrud Probst, Nuermberg Germany, tennis star (1992 Belgian Open)
1972 - Bill Curley, NBA forward (Portland Trail Blazers, Minn Timberwolves)
1972 - David Hendrix, NFL strong safety (SD Chargers)
1972 - Kenny McEntyre, WLAF cornerback (London Monarchs)
1972 - Kevin McDougal, CFL quarterback (Winnipeg Blue Bombers)
1973 - Emma Johnson, Sydney NSW Australia, swimmer (Olympics-96)
1973 - Etdrick Bohannon, NBA forward (Indiana Pacers)
1973 - Jason Dawe, North York, NHL left wing (Buffalo Sabres)
1973 - Malcolm Allen, Wauchope NSW Australia, swimmer (Olympics-96)
1973 - Tiffany M Sloan, Orange county Calif, playmate (Oct, 1992)
1974 - Barbara Mulej, Kranj Slovenia, tennis star (1992 Futures Germ)
1974 - Kenny Bynum, running back (San Diego Chargers)
1974 - Robyn Petroskey, Minneapolis Minn, figure skater (1996 Midwest champ)
1975 - Alexander Zhurik, hockey defenseman (Belarus, Oly-98)
1975 - Bianca Langham, Australian field hockey fullback/halfback (Olympic-96)
1975 - Melanie Janine Brown, "Scary Spice", Leeds, vocalist (Spice Girls)
1975 - Shoshanna Lonstein, NYC, girlfriend (Jerry Seinfeld)
1977 - Brent Roberts, Leesville La, diver (Olympics-96)
1977 - Danny Gerard, Mt Vernon NY, actor (Alan Silver-Brooklyn Bridge)
1979 - Luann Roberts, Miss Alabama Teen USA (1996)
1980 - Val‚rie Hould-Marchand, Riviere-Du-Loup QU, synchro swim (Oly-silv-96)
1983 - Richard Jackson, Redlands Calif, actor (Ryan Meyers-Saved by the Bell)
1989 - Danielle Riley Keough, grand daughter of Elvis Presley

[LSUFAN]

Men Are From Mars
-------------------------

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix:

The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students: Rebecca and Gary.

THE STORY:

(first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much that her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

(second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she wondered wistfully.

(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty!
Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F--KING TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"

(Rebecca)
A-hole.

(Gary)
B*tch

(Rebecca)
F__K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!

(Gary)
Go drink some tea - *****.

(TEACHER)
A+ - I really liked this one