An elderly married couple scheduled their medical examination on the same day so that they could answer any questions the doctor might have concerning their partner. After the husband's exam, the doctor then said to the elderly man, "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concern that you would like to ask me?" "In fact, I do," said the old man. "After I have sex with my wife the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty, and then, after I have sex with my wife the second time, I'm usually cold and chilly." The doctor said that he would examine the wife, and then report back to the man. After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said: "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?" The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns. The doctor then asked: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex the first time with you, and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?" "Oh that crazy old nut", she replied. "That's because the first time is usually in July and the second time is usually in December!" An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman's doctor says she has a heart condition that could kill her at any time. She is to avoid stress, eat right, and never, EVER have sex again - the strain would be too much. The couple reluctantly try to live by these rules. Both get really horny over time, however, and the husband decides he'd better sleep downstairs on the couch to guard against temptation. This works for a few weeks, until late one night when they meet each other on the stairs - she's coming downstairs, he's heading up. "Honey, I have a confession to make," the woman says, her voice quavering. "I was about to commit suicide." "I'm glad to hear it, sweetie," the man says, "because I was just coming upstairs to kill you!" Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor said, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks." The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor went to the elderly couple and asked, "Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?" The old man replied, "No problem at all, Pastor." "Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the pastor. The pastor went to the middle-aged couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?" The man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes, we made it." "Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the pastor. The pastor then went to the newlywed couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?" "No Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied sadly. "What happened?" inquired the pastor. "My wife was reaching for a can of paint on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there." "You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor. "We know," said the young man, "We're not welcome at Home Depot anymore either."
I went in with the intent to get a roast beef and swiss sandwich. I left with a 1/2# each of roast beef, Virginia ham, capicola, hard salami, baby swiss, provolone, and pepper jack. package of hard rolls, loaf of Italian and Mountain bread. even grabbed a small sub, bottle of water, and candy bar for the homeless lady panhandling at the road in.
Quote from: Travellin Dave on September 17, 2018, 01:52:30 PMQuote from: A Friend of Charlie on September 17, 2018, 01:40:12 PMQuote from: Threebean on September 17, 2018, 01:24:21 PMQuote from: A Friend of Charlie on September 17, 2018, 01:19:53 PMQuote from: dwgbryant on September 17, 2018, 01:08:53 PMnever go to the deli when you're hungry.$$$$Made that mistake at a Jewish deli once and wound up with $36 lunch. Had to go to the bank to take out money because I didn't have enough on me. I'm sure they thought I wasn't coming back. In all fairness, I had enough for the next day too.Ouch! And here I was going to complain about the BBQ trailer I stopped at one day last week. 1/4 lb brisket, two pork ribs, a serving of slaw, $16. FMTT. It's like going to the supermarket hungry... Come back with hundreds of dollars of groceries you didn't need. Sheesh.So what does that say about me when I go to a liquor store or cigar lounge... I dunno, are you going there hungry?
Quote from: A Friend of Charlie on September 17, 2018, 01:40:12 PMQuote from: Threebean on September 17, 2018, 01:24:21 PMQuote from: A Friend of Charlie on September 17, 2018, 01:19:53 PMQuote from: dwgbryant on September 17, 2018, 01:08:53 PMnever go to the deli when you're hungry.$$$$Made that mistake at a Jewish deli once and wound up with $36 lunch. Had to go to the bank to take out money because I didn't have enough on me. I'm sure they thought I wasn't coming back. In all fairness, I had enough for the next day too.Ouch! And here I was going to complain about the BBQ trailer I stopped at one day last week. 1/4 lb brisket, two pork ribs, a serving of slaw, $16. FMTT. It's like going to the supermarket hungry... Come back with hundreds of dollars of groceries you didn't need. Sheesh.So what does that say about me when I go to a liquor store or cigar lounge...
Quote from: Threebean on September 17, 2018, 01:24:21 PMQuote from: A Friend of Charlie on September 17, 2018, 01:19:53 PMQuote from: dwgbryant on September 17, 2018, 01:08:53 PMnever go to the deli when you're hungry.$$$$Made that mistake at a Jewish deli once and wound up with $36 lunch. Had to go to the bank to take out money because I didn't have enough on me. I'm sure they thought I wasn't coming back. In all fairness, I had enough for the next day too.Ouch! And here I was going to complain about the BBQ trailer I stopped at one day last week. 1/4 lb brisket, two pork ribs, a serving of slaw, $16. FMTT. It's like going to the supermarket hungry... Come back with hundreds of dollars of groceries you didn't need. Sheesh.
Quote from: A Friend of Charlie on September 17, 2018, 01:19:53 PMQuote from: dwgbryant on September 17, 2018, 01:08:53 PMnever go to the deli when you're hungry.$$$$Made that mistake at a Jewish deli once and wound up with $36 lunch. Had to go to the bank to take out money because I didn't have enough on me. I'm sure they thought I wasn't coming back. In all fairness, I had enough for the next day too.Ouch! And here I was going to complain about the BBQ trailer I stopped at one day last week. 1/4 lb brisket, two pork ribs, a serving of slaw, $16. FMTT.
Quote from: dwgbryant on September 17, 2018, 01:08:53 PMnever go to the deli when you're hungry.$$$$Made that mistake at a Jewish deli once and wound up with $36 lunch. Had to go to the bank to take out money because I didn't have enough on me. I'm sure they thought I wasn't coming back. In all fairness, I had enough for the next day too.
never go to the deli when you're hungry.$$$$
Quote from: dwgbryant on September 17, 2018, 02:00:33 PMI went in with the intent to get a roast beef and swiss sandwich. I left with a 1/2# each of roast beef, Virginia ham, capicola, hard salami, baby swiss, provolone, and pepper jack. package of hard rolls, loaf of Italian and Mountain bread. even grabbed a small sub, bottle of water, and candy bar for the homeless lady panhandling at the road in.Well, it's not like that's all going to be consumed at one sitting....
Quote from: Travellin Dave on September 17, 2018, 02:18:37 PMQuote from: dwgbryant on September 17, 2018, 02:00:33 PMI went in with the intent to get a roast beef and swiss sandwich. I left with a 1/2# each of roast beef, Virginia ham, capicola, hard salami, baby swiss, provolone, and pepper jack. package of hard rolls, loaf of Italian and Mountain bread. even grabbed a small sub, bottle of water, and candy bar for the homeless lady panhandling at the road in.Well, it's not like that's all going to be consumed at one sitting....I don't know, Dean probably has a pretty ravenous appetite.
Hazzuh!
Quote from: LuvTooGolf on September 17, 2018, 02:26:12 PMQuote from: Travellin Dave on September 17, 2018, 02:18:37 PMQuote from: dwgbryant on September 17, 2018, 02:00:33 PMI went in with the intent to get a roast beef and swiss sandwich. I left with a 1/2# each of roast beef, Virginia ham, capicola, hard salami, baby swiss, provolone, and pepper jack. package of hard rolls, loaf of Italian and Mountain bread. even grabbed a small sub, bottle of water, and candy bar for the homeless lady panhandling at the road in.Well, it's not like that's all going to be consumed at one sitting....I don't know, Dean probably has a pretty ravenous appetite.for food and women.
Quote from: LuvTooGolf on September 17, 2018, 02:26:12 PMQuote from: Travellin Dave on September 17, 2018, 02:18:37 PMQuote from: dwgbryant on September 17, 2018, 02:00:33 PMI went in with the intent to get a roast beef and swiss sandwich. I left with a 1/2# each of roast beef, Virginia ham, capicola, hard salami, baby swiss, provolone, and pepper jack. package of hard rolls, loaf of Italian and Mountain bread. even grabbed a small sub, bottle of water, and candy bar for the homeless lady panhandling at the road in.Well, it's not like that's all going to be consumed at one sitting....I don't know, Dean probably has a pretty ravenous appetite.Only after sex.
Quote from: A Friend of Charlie on September 17, 2018, 03:44:09 PMQuote from: LuvTooGolf on September 17, 2018, 02:26:12 PMQuote from: Travellin Dave on September 17, 2018, 02:18:37 PMQuote from: dwgbryant on September 17, 2018, 02:00:33 PMI went in with the intent to get a roast beef and swiss sandwich. I left with a 1/2# each of roast beef, Virginia ham, capicola, hard salami, baby swiss, provolone, and pepper jack. package of hard rolls, loaf of Italian and Mountain bread. even grabbed a small sub, bottle of water, and candy bar for the homeless lady panhandling at the road in.Well, it's not like that's all going to be consumed at one sitting....I don't know, Dean probably has a pretty ravenous appetite.Only after sex.I stand corrected....Tony missed it.
