CigarBanter
Cigar Banter => Daily Cigar Deals Discussion => Topic started by: CigarBanter on May 16, 2018, 12:00:09 AM
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Any hump day deals on the various internet sites that are worth talking about? Join in this discussion and perhaps learn something along the way. Warning: don't proceed if you have thin skin but don't be afraid to post either... And welcome aboard!
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Morning, all. Happy day of humping.
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Morning, all. Happy day of humping.
So Deanday?
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Morning Dave.
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Today is Wednesday, May 16, the 136th day of 2018. There are 229 days left in the year.
Today’s Highlight in History:
On May 16, 1868, at the U.S. Senate impeachment trial of President Andrew Johnson, 35 out of 54 senators voted to find Johnson guilty of “high crimes and misdemeanors” over his attempted dismissal of Secretary of War Edwin M. Stanton, falling one vote short of the two-thirds majority needed to convict; the trial ended 10 days later after two other articles of impeachment went down to defeat as well.
On this date:
In 1532, Spanish conquistador Francisco Pizarro and a small band of soldiers landed on the northwestern coast of Peru.
In 1703 (Old Style calendar), the Russian city of Saint Petersburg was founded by Peter the Great.
In 1770, Marie Antoinette, age 14, married the future King Louis XVI of France, who was 15.
In 1920, Joan of Arc was canonized by Pope Benedict XV.
In 1939, the federal government began its first food stamp program in Rochester, New York.
In 1946, the Irving Berlin musical “Annie Get Your Gun,” starring Ethel Merman as Annie Oakley, opened on Broadway.
In 1948, CBS News correspondent George Polk, who had been covering the Greek civil war between communist and nationalist forces, was found slain in Salonika Harbor.
In 1953, Associated Press correspondent William N. Oatis was released by communist authorities in Czechoslovakia, where he had been imprisoned for two years after being forced to confess to espionage while working as the AP’s Prague bureau chief.
In 1966, China launched the Cultural Revolution, a radical as well as deadly reform movement aimed at purging the country of “counter-revolutionaries.”
In 1975, Japanese climber Junko Tabei became the first woman to reach the summit of Mount Everest.
In 1988, the U.S. Supreme Court, in California v. Greenwood, ruled that police could search discarded garbage without a search warrant. Surgeon General C. Everett Koop released a report declaring nicotine was addictive in ways similar to heroin and cocaine.
In 1991, Queen Elizabeth II became the first British monarch to address the United States Congress as she lauded U.S.-British cooperation in the Persian Gulf War.
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Ten years ago: President George W. Bush visited Saudi Arabia, where he failed to win help from Saudi leaders to relieve skyrocketing American gas prices. Osama bin Laden said in an audio statement that al-Qaida would continue its holy war against Israel and its allies until the liberation of the Palestinians. Robert Mondavi, the patriarch of California wine country, died in Yountville at age 94.
Five years ago: President Barack Obama named a temporary chief for the scandal-marred Internal Revenue Service and pressed Congress to approve new security money to prevent another Benghazi-style terrorist attack. Candice Glover won the 12th season of “American Idol” on Fox.
One year ago: The White House issued a furious denial after a report that President Donald Trump personally appealed to FBI Director James Comey to abandon the bureau’s investigation into National Security Adviser Michael Flynn. President Trump met with Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan (REH’-jehp TY’-ihp UR’-doh-wahn) at the White House, where both leaders vowed to repair a relationship battered by years of disputes over Syria’s civil war and its various fighting groups.
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Today’s Birthdays: Former U.S. Rep John Conyers, D-Mich., is 89. Former U.S. Senator and Connecticut Governor Lowell Weicker is 87. Director of National Intelligence Dan Coats is 75. Jazz musician Billy Cobham is 74. Actor Danny Trejo is 74. Actor Bill Smitrovich is 71. Actor Pierce Brosnan is 65. Actress Debra Winger is 63. Olympic gold medal gymnast Olga Korbut is 63. Olympic gold medal marathon runner Joan Benoit Samuelson is 61. Actress Mare Winningham is 59. Rock musician Boyd Tinsley (The Dave Matthews Band) is 54. Rock musician Krist Novoselic (noh-voh-SEL’-ik) is 53. Singer Janet Jackson is 52. Country singer Scott Reeves (Blue County) is 52. Actor Brian (BREE’-un) F. O’Byrne is 51. Rhythm-and-blues singer Ralph Tresvant (New Edition) is 50. Actor David Boreanaz is 49. Political correspondent Tucker Carlson is 49. Actress Tracey Gold is 49. International Tennis Hall of Famer Gabriela Sabatini is 48. Country singer Rick Trevino is 47. Musician Simon Katz is 47. TV personality Bill Rancic is 47. Actress Tori Spelling is 45. Actor Sean Carrigan is 44. Singer-rapper B. Slade (formerly known as Tonex) is 43. Actress Lynn Collins is 41. Actress Melanie Lynskey is 41. Actor Jim Sturgess is 40. Actor Joseph Morgan is 37. DJ Alex Pall (The Chainsmokers) is 33. Actress Megan Fox is 32. Actor Drew Roy is 32. Actor Jacob Zachar is 32. Actor-comedian Jermaine Fowler is 30. Actor Thomas Brodie-Sangster is 28. Actor Marc John Jefferies is 28. Olympic bronze medal figure skater Ashley Wagner is 27. Actor Miles Heizer is 24.
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Thought for Today: “I want, of course, peace, grace, and beauty. How do you do that? You work for it.” – Studs Terkel, American writer (born this date in 1912, died 2008).
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Morning, all. Happy day of humping.
So Deanday?
Precisely.
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Morning, all. Happy day of humping.
So Deanday?
Precisely.
Like Dean, I find it's best to let Dave finish...
Good morning, Daves.
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Morning Mr. Mayor.
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Good morning Tony, Dave, and Dave.
It's golf day!
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Morning Mr. Mayor.
Good morning, Dave.
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Good morning Tony, Dave, and Dave.
It's golf day!
Hola Dean. Also a good day to stock up on some Fighting Cocks. If you're so inclined.
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Good morning Tony, Dave, and Dave.
It's golf day!
Hola Dean. Also a good day to stock up on some Fighting Cocks. If you're so inclined.
I'm pretty well stocked on smokes, and pretty well tapped out, don't want to start dipping in my savings.
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Good morning Tony, Dave, and Dave.
It's golf day!
Hola Dean. Also a good day to stock up on some Fighting Cocks. If you're so inclined.
I'm pretty well stocked on smokes, and pretty well tapped out, don't want to start dipping in my savings.
No pressure. Just thought you might need a couple of extra sticks in case you drop them in the hot tub.
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Today’s Birthdays: Former U.S. Rep John Conyers, D-Mich., is 89. Former U.S. Senator and Connecticut Governor Lowell Weicker is 87. Director of National Intelligence Dan Coats is 75. Jazz musician Billy Cobham is 74. Actor Danny Trejo is 74. Actor Bill Smitrovich is 71. Actor Pierce Brosnan is 65. Actress Debra Winger is 63. Olympic gold medal gymnast Olga Korbut is 63. Olympic gold medal marathon runner Joan Benoit Samuelson is 61. Actress Mare Winningham is 59. Rock musician Boyd Tinsley (The Dave Matthews Band) is 54. Rock musician Krist Novoselic (noh-voh-SEL’-ik) is 53. Singer Janet Jackson is 52 . Country singer Scott Reeves (Blue County) is 52. Actor Brian (BREE’-un) F. O’Byrne is 51. Rhythm-and-blues singer Ralph Tresvant (New Edition) is 50. Actor David Boreanaz is 49. Political correspondent Tucker Carlson is 49. Actress Tracey Gold is 49. International Tennis Hall of Famer Gabriela Sabatini is 48. Country singer Rick Trevino is 47. Musician Simon Katz is 47. TV personality Bill Rancic is 47. Actress Tori Spelling is 45. Actor Sean Carrigan is 44. Singer-rapper B. Slade (formerly known as Tonex) is 43. Actress Lynn Collins is 41. Actress Melanie Lynskey is 41. Actor Jim Sturgess is 40. Actor Joseph Morgan is 37. DJ Alex Pall (The Chainsmokers) is 33. Actress Megan Fox is 32. Actor Drew Roy is 32. Actor Jacob Zachar is 32. Actor-comedian Jermaine Fowler is 30. Actor Thomas Brodie-Sangster is 28. Actor Marc John Jefferies is 28. Olympic bronze medal figure skater Ashley Wagner is 27. Actor Miles Heizer is 24.
Miss Jackson if you're nasty.
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Good morning Tony, Dave, and Dave.
It's golf day!
Hola Dean. Also a good day to stock up on some Fighting Cocks. If you're so inclined.
I'm pretty well stocked on smokes, and pretty well tapped out, don't want to start dipping in my savings.
No pressure. Just thought you might need a couple of extra sticks in case you drop them in the hot tub.
LOL
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Good morning Tony, Dave, and Dave.
It's golf day!
Hola Dean. Also a good day to stock up on some Fighting Cocks. If you're so inclined.
I'm pretty well stocked on smokes, and pretty well tapped out, don't want to start dipping in my savings.
Got to save for that protein skimmer for the hot tub.
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Good morning Tony, Dave, and Dave.
It's golf day!
Hola Dean. Also a good day to stock up on some Fighting Cocks. If you're so inclined.
I'm pretty well stocked on smokes, and pretty well tapped out, don't want to start dipping in my savings.
Got to save for that protein skimmer for the hot tub.
(https://media2.giphy.com/media/DBa308wq8XTMs/giphy.gif)
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Good morning Tony, Dave, and Dave.
It's golf day!
Hola Dean. Also a good day to stock up on some Fighting Cocks. If you're so inclined.
I'm pretty well stocked on smokes, and pretty well tapped out, don't want to start dipping in my savings.
Got to save for that protein skimmer for the hot tub.
Eeewwwww.
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sick, really sick.
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sick, really sick.
Thanks, I try.
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Here's one I found on sale!
https://www.drsfostersmith.com/product/prod_display.cfm?c=3578+4392+36152&pcatid=36152
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A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”
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After picking her son up from school one day, the mother asks him what he did at school. The kid replies, "I had sex with my teacher." She gets so mad that when they get home, she orders him to go straight to his room. When the father returns home that evening, the mother angrily tells him the news of what their son had done. As the father hears the news, a huge grin spreads across his face. He walks to his son's room and asks him what happened at school, the son tells him, "I had sex with my teacher." The father tells the boy that he is so proud of him, and he is going to reward him with the bike he has been asking for. On the way to the store, the dad asks his son if he would like to ride his new bike home. His son responds, "No thanks Dad, my butt still hurts."
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A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex. He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said "I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!" He said, "Explain the kids!"
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Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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1. What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
2. What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
Beat it. We’re closed.
3. Why was the guitar teacher arrested?
For fingering a minor.
4. What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.
5. Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
He only comes once a year.
6. What’s the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
Binky Felstead: 'My style hasn't changed since becoming a mum'
By Connatix
7. What do the Mafia and pussies have in common?
One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.
8. What did the banana say to the vibrator?
Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!
9. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife died.
10. What’s the best part about sex with 28-year-olds?
There are twenty of them.
11. What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
12. What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lick-a-lotta-puss.
13. What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?
A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.
14. What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cubes have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
15. What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.
16. What’s the best part about gardening?
Getting down and dirty with your hoes.
17. How is a girlfriend like a laxative?
They both irritate the shit out of you.
18. What do you call the useless piece of skin on a dick?
The man.
19. Why do vegetarians give good head?
Beause they’re used to eating nuts.
20. What’s long and hard and full of semen?
A submarine.
21. What’s the difference between your wife and your job?
After five years, your job will still suck.
22. Why do walruses love a tupperware party?
They’re always on the lookout for a tight seal.
23. What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?
Condoms have evolved: They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.
24. Why did God give men penises?
So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up.
25. What’s the difference between anal and oral sex?
Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.
26. What did the penis say to the vagina?
Don’t make me come in there!
27. What do a woman and a bar have in common?
Liquor in the front, poker in the back.
28. What’s another name for a vagina?
The box a penis comes in.
29. What’s the difference between a pick-pocket and a peeping tom?
One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.
30. What do you call two jalapeńos getting it on?
Fucking hot!
31. How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
Call and tell her about it.
32. What’s the difference between your dick and a bonus check?
Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.
33. How is life like a penis?
Your girlfriend makes it hard.
34. Why do women have orgasms?
Just another reason to moan, really.
35. What do you call a guy with a small dick?
Just-in!
36. What do you call a guy with a giant dick?
Phil!
37. What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public?
A private tutor.
38. What do you call a virgin lying on a waterbed?
A cherry float.
39. Know what a 6.9 is?
Another good thing screwed up by a period.
40. How is sex like a game of bridge?
If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.
41. What do boobs and toys have in common?
They were both originally made for kids, but daddies end up playing with them.
42. What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?
Beef strokin’ off.
43. What did the O say to the Q?
Dude, your dick’s hanging out.
44. What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD?
A trip without kids.
45. What did the sanitary napkin say to the fart?
You are the wind beneath my wings.
46. What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
47. How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
48. How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
49. How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
50. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
Hold on to your nuts, this ain’t no ordinary blowjob.
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that should keep you guys busy while I'm golfing.
later.
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Prolific indeed Dean.
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Prolific indeed Dean.
I'm enjoying the current avvy theme. Thank you.
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avvy lull or too prolific?
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avvy lull or too prolific?
Yep
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avvy lull or too prolific?
Yep
+∞
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Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of fellatio!
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Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of fellatio!
Someone fellated the gusto right out of the banter today.
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A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day".
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson.
"And you, Susie? " the teacher asks.
Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's bitch."
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"
"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child.
Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."
Little Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger.
"How about nuclear power?"
"OK," said Little Johnny.
"That could be an interesting topic.But let me ask you a question first."
"A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass.
The same stuff.
Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass.
Why do you suppose that is?"
"Jeez," said the stranger.
"I have no idea."
"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"
The teacher wrote on the blackboard: "I ain't had no fun in months."
Then asked the class, "How should I correct this sentence?"
Little Johnny raised his had and replied, "Get yourself a new boyfriend."
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher.
She then called on little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully, he said.
"Excellent, Michael!"
Then, the teacher called on little Johnny.
"Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, fucking beautiful!'"
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That little Johnny sure is a handful.
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golf got washed out on #2.
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Hazzuh!
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golf got washed out on #2.
D'oh!
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golf got washed out on #2.
Sounds like a cigar under a covered area, is in order.
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golf got washed out on #2.
Sounds like a cigar under a covered area, is in order.
way ahead of you, cigar and coffee in the garage as I sort tools for this big as portable tool chest a friend gave me.
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golf got washed out on #2.
Sounds like a cigar under a covered area, is in order.
way ahead of you, cigar and coffee in the garage as I sort tools for this big as portable tool chest a friend gave me.
I think it's smart that you have something to carry all your big asses around in.
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That little Johnny sure is a handful.
TWSS
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Page 4 finally....sheesh is in order.
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Page 4 finally....sheesh is in order.
Indeed.
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Page 4 finally....sheesh is in order.
Indeed.
I tried....
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Page 4 finally....sheesh is in order.
Indeed.
I tried....
And I commend you for that.
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Page 4 finally....sheesh is in order.
Indeed.
I tried....
And you broke the 5K barrier for your efforts! Congrats Mr. Flip!
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Page 4 finally....sheesh is in order.
Indeed.
I tried....
And you broke the 5K barrier for your efforts! Congrats Mr. Flip!
Wow, endeared status and a fifth star. Well done, Flip.
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Page 4 finally....sheesh is in order.
Indeed.
I tried....
TWSS
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Long day. Back from the Big D and enjoying a Little Devil in the work man cave.
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Long day. Back from the Big D and enjoying a Little Devil in the work man cave.
Makes it all worthwhile.
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Not sure what I have waiting when I get back to the hotel and my happy travel humi.
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Not sure what I have waiting when I get back to the hotel and my happy travel humi.
Dry up there?
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Long day. Back from the Big D and enjoying a Little Devil in the work man cave.
Makes it all worthwhile.
Glad I have this space to decompress even though still working.
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And with that I'm outa here. Enjoy your evening, boyz.
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Long day. Back from the Big D and enjoying a Little Devil in the work man cave.
Makes it all worthwhile.
Glad I have this space to decompress even though still working.
Work, work, work...hello boys, I've missed you.
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Long day. Back from the Big D and enjoying a Little Devil in the work man cave.
Makes it all worthwhile.
Glad I have this space to decompress even though still working.
Work, work, work...hello boys, I've missed you.
holy crap look what the banter dragged in.
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Long day. Back from the Big D and enjoying a Little Devil in the work man cave.
Makes it all worthwhile.
Glad I have this space to decompress even though still working.
Work, work, work...hello boys, I've missed you.
holy crap look what the banter dragged in.
And must have immediately dragged back out. Tom, right?
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Long day. Back from the Big D and enjoying a Little Devil in the work man cave.
Makes it all worthwhile.
Glad I have this space to decompress even though still working.
Work, work, work...hello boys, I've missed you.
holy crap look what the banter dragged in.
And must have immediately dragged back out. Tom, right?
how soon we forget.
Tom, yes.
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dinner of potatoe and ham soup with green beans and mushrooms done. OOO beli and coffee for dessert.
82° with 88% humidity with a slight breeze. sticky.