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[LSUFAN]

In 1989, dissident and playwright Vaclav Havel (VAHTS'-lahv HAH'-vel) assumed the presidency of Czechoslovakia.

[LSUFAN]

In 1992, the United States and Russia announced agreement on a nuclear arms reduction treaty.

[LSUFAN]

Ten years ago: International monitors said they would review Iraq's parliamentary elections in response to fraud complaints by Sunni Arab and secular Shiite groups.

[LSUFAN]

Five years ago: The Obama administration expelled Venezuela's ambassador to the United States, a day after Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez said he would not allow diplomat Larry Palmer to become the U.S. ambassador to his country. Suicide bombers succeeded in killing Iraqi police commander Lt. Col. Shamil al-Jabouri, who was renowned in the tense northern city of Mosul for his relentless pursuit of al-Qaida. Character actor Bill Erwin, 96, whose nearly seven-decade career included his memorable role as the grumpy old man on television's "Seinfeld," died in suburban Los Angeles.

[LSUFAN]

One year ago: President Barack Obama, in an NPR interview, issued a warning to congressional Republicans set to take control of both houses of Congress, saying he had a veto pen, and would not be afraid to use it. A man with a lengthy criminal record killed six adults and two young children before taking his own life in Edmonton, Alberta.

[LSUFAN]

Today's Birthdays: Country singer Rose Lee Maphis is 93. Actress Dina Merrill is 92. Actress Inga Swenson is 83. ABC newscaster Tom Jarriel is 81. Actress Mary Tyler Moore is 79. Actress Barbara Steele is 78. Actor Jon Voight is 77. Country singer Ed Bruce is 76. Rock musician Ray Thomas is 74. Singer Marianne Faithfull is 69. Jockey Laffit Pincay, Jr. is 69. Actor Ted Danson is 68. Actor Jon Polito is 65. Singer-actress Yvonne Elliman is 64. Actress Patricia Clarkson is 56. Comedian Paula Poundstone is 56. Rock singer-musician Jim Reid (The Jesus and Mary Chain) is 54. Actor Michael Cudlitz is 51. Rock singer Dexter Holland (The Offspring) is 50. Actor-comedian Mystro Clark is 49. Actor Jason Gould is 49. CNN anchor Ashleigh Banfield is 48. Movie director Andy Wachowski is 48. Actress Jennifer Ehle is 46. Actor Patrick Fischler is 46. Rock singer-musician Glen Phillips is 45. Actor Kevin Weisman is 45. Actor Jude Law is 43. Actress Maria Dizzia (TV: "Orange is the New Black") is 41. Actor Mekhi Phifer (mih-KY' FY'-fuhr) is 41. Actor Shawn Hatosy is 40. Actress Katherine Moennig is 38. Actor Diego Luna is 36. Country singer Jessica Andrews is 32. Actress Jane Levy is 26. Singer-actor-dancer Ross Lynch is 20.

[LSUFAN]

Thought for Today: "Sin cannot be undone, only forgiven." — Igor Stravinsky, Russian-born composer (1882-1971).

[LSUFAN]

Washington Post
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The Washington Post asked readers to take any word from the 
dictionary,  alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing 
one letter, and supply a new  definition.

Here are this year's winners. Read them carefully. Each is 
an artificial  word with only one letter altered to form a 
real word. Some are terrifically  innovative:

a.. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which 
lasts until you  realize it was your money to start with.

b.. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly

c.. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people 
that stops bright  ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer,
unfortunately, shows little sign  of breaking down in the 
near future.

d.. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which 
renders the subject  financially impotent for an indefinite 
period.

e.. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

f.. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit 
and the person  who doesn't get it.

g.. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are 
running late.

h.. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

i.. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra
credit.)

j.. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off 
all these really  bad vibes, right? And then, like, the 
Earth explodes and it's like, a  serious bummer.

k.. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through 
the day  consuming only things that are good for you.

l.. Glibido: All talk and no action.

m.. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem 
smarter when they  come at you rapidly.

n.. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just
after you've  accidentally walked through a spider web.

o.. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that 
gets into your  bedroom at three in the morning and cannot 
be cast out.

p.. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half 
a worm in the  fruit you're eating.

[LSUFAN]

Time to hit the road for work, enjoy your day guys.

[LSUFAN]

About time for a double sheesh. 

[LSUFAN]

About time for a double sheesh.

+1

[LSUFAN]

Excuses for  Missing Work
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1. If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.

2. When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.

3. I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.

4. My stigmata's acting up.

5. I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?

6. I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet...

7. I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant.

8. Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Dodgers, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.

9. Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.

10. I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.

11. The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.

12. The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

13. I prefer to remain an enigma.

14. My step-mother has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it.

15. I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.

16. I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.

17. I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.

18. I refuse to travel to my job
until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share.

[LSUFAN]

Late Night
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After a night on the town, a young woman brought a new friend home for a late-night drink. "You can't make any noise," she warned him. "My parents are upstairs and if they find out they'll kill us."

Things started getting heated on the sofa, but after a while alcohol got the better of the man. "I have to go," he said.

"Well you can't go upstairs. The bathroom is right next to my parents' bedroom," she replied. "Use the kitchen sink."

So he dutifully retired to the kitchen. A few minutes later, he popped his head around the door and asked, "Do you have any toilet paper, or should I just use a paper towel?"

[South Carolina Redfish]

Morning LSU

[LSUFAN]

Morning LSU

Good morning Native.