Some Mothers Day thoughts:
Rita Rudner
My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
Mark Twain
My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.
Dan Quayle
Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.
Phyllis Diller
It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder, and violence every single day should be avoided entirely. But the desire to beget children is a natural urge.
Kin Hubbard
The worst feature of a new baby is its mother's singing.
Louie Anderson
My mom was a garage sale person, save money. Come on into the garage sale, you might find a shirt. She'd get in that garage sale and point stuff out to you. There's a good fork for a nickel. Yeah, that's beautiful. It's a little high. If it were three cents I'd snap it up.
Oscar Wilde
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his.
Paula Poundstone
My mom said she learned how to swim. Someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. That's how she learned how to swim. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'
Tim Allen
My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
Dame Edna Everage
My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven't met yet. She's now in a maximum security twilight home in Australia.
Rita Rudner
Neurotics build castles in the air; psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.