New Additions to the Dictionary
Tweetledenumb: The stupor you feel after being bombarded by so many outrageously dumb tweets that you don’t have the energy to be commensurately horrified by any single one.
Melaniacholia: The misery and despair caused by realizing that you shouldn’t have signed the prenup.
Nirvanka: A transcendent state of peace that comes from knowing that however ineffectual you are at your job, you cannot be let go because you are one with your employer.
Kushnesia: A medical condition that makes you unable to remember anything about yourself when you fill out forms (sexually transmitted, unlike other inheritable forms of memory loss, cf. below).
Donzheimer’s Disease: A form of temporary memory loss that strikes juveniles with inept lawyers.
Manaforte Destiny: The uncanny tendency to keep turning up in suspicious places under self-incriminating circumstances.
Comey-over: A pathetic and vain maneuver to cover up the bare truth about yourself by blaming someone else.
Mueller Lite: Not the White House’s favorite low-calorie beer.
Deaccsession: To dis an erstwhile friend relentlessly, in the hopes that he will unfriend you.
Spicerack: A place where you hang your frenemies out to dry.
Scorchamuccied: To get fucking fired by a cocksucker before you were fucking hired.
Bannona: A bitter, fleshy white fruit that is poisonous to foreigners.
Macron ’n’ Cheese: An unappetizing dish consisting of a French dumpling in a weirdly orange cheddar sauce.
The Kellyanne Con Way: An alternative route that promises to get you to your destination faster but in fact leads you in circles along a shady road until you want to throw up.
Bushup: Someone formerly reviled but now revered due to the arrival on the scene of someone even more awful.
McPain: The anguish and confusion you feel when someone you dislike does something you like.
Flynnstone: To throw subpoenas at someone in order to make him stop Flynnstonewalling.
Comeuppence: Your just deserts for praying that your boss would be fired, never dreaming that his replacement could be worse.
Trumfounded: The shock and bewilderment you feel when things get even worse after you thought that they’d hit rock bottom.
