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Author Topic: 8/21/2018  (Read 4825 times)

FloridaDean

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Re: 8/21/2018
« Reply #60 on: August 21, 2018, 02:09:35 PM »

It was Christmas Eve. A woman came home to her husband after a day of busy shopping. Later on that night when she was getting undressed for bed, he noticed a mark on the inside of her leg. "What is that?" he asked. She said, "I visited the tattoo parlor today. On the inside of one leg I had them tattoo 'Merry Christmas,' and on the inside of the other one they tattooed 'Happy New Year.'" Perplexed, he asked, "Why did you do that?" "Well," she replied, "now you can't complain that there's never anything to eat between Christmas and New Years!"
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FloridaDean

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Re: 8/21/2018
« Reply #61 on: August 21, 2018, 02:10:29 PM »

On Thanksgiving day, a little boy overhears his mom and dad fighting. He hears his mom call his dad a bastard and hears his dad call his mom a bitch. He asks, "Mommy, what does bastard mean?" She answers, "Um, it means boy." Then he asks, "Daddy, what does bitch mean?" He says, "Uh, it means girl." Later that day, the boy sees his father in the bathroom shaving; the dad accidentally cuts himself and says, "Sh*t." The son asks, "What does that mean?" The dad says, "It means shaving cream." Then he sees his mom in the kitchen carving the turkey; she accidentally cuts herself and says, "F*ck." The son asks her what that word means and she says, "It means carving." That evening, the family's guests arrive for Thanksgiving dinner. The son opens the door to welcome them and says, "Welcome bitches and bastards! My dad is in the bathroom rubbing sh*t on his face and my mom is in the kitchen f*cking the turkey."
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FloridaDean

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Re: 8/21/2018
« Reply #62 on: August 21, 2018, 02:11:32 PM »

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."
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FloridaDean

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Re: 8/21/2018
« Reply #63 on: August 21, 2018, 02:12:10 PM »

An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.
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FloridaDean

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Re: 8/21/2018
« Reply #64 on: August 21, 2018, 02:14:44 PM »

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff. He thinks he's smarter being a big shot lawyer from New York and has a better education than an sheriff from West Virginia. The sheriff asks for license and registration. The lawyer asks, "What for?" The sheriff responds, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign." The lawyer says, "I slowed down and no one was coming." "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration please," say the sheriff impatiently. The lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket." The sheriff says, "That sounds fair, please exit your vehicle." The lawyer steps out and the sheriff takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer with it. The sheriff says, "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"
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FloridaDean

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Re: 8/21/2018
« Reply #65 on: August 21, 2018, 02:16:38 PM »

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you did not give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?" The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?" Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um, no." The lawyer interrupts, "Or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?" The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again. "Or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!" The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea." On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
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FloridaDean

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Re: 8/21/2018
« Reply #66 on: August 21, 2018, 02:19:24 PM »

A man is smoking a cigar and blowing smoke rings into the air.  His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says, “Can’t you see the warning on the cigar box?  Smoking is hazardous to your health!”

To which the man replies, “I am a programmer.  We don’t worry about warnings; we only worry about errors.”
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Threebean

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Re: 8/21/2018
« Reply #67 on: August 21, 2018, 02:31:47 PM »

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FloridaDean

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Re: 8/21/2018
« Reply #68 on: August 21, 2018, 02:37:51 PM »

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FloridaDean

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Re: 8/21/2018
« Reply #69 on: August 21, 2018, 02:43:58 PM »

California kids can kiss their soda good-bye as kooky law aims to ban yet another thing liberals don't like

In the latest episode of “Banished!” by the People’s Republic of California, Governor Jerry Brown is likely to sign a bill that prohibits restaurants from offering anything other than milk or water with their kids’ meals, under the pretense of preventing obesity. Effectively they’re telling parents they’re not capable of being trusted with their children’s health. It’s Big Brother Knows Best vs. mom and dad.

They want to control what little Johnny and Susie drink with their kids’ meal. If restaurants don’t play along they could be fined up to $500. So now California isn’t just the nanny state, it’s also the bully state.

Parents are apparently still permitted to order a separate drink but the restaurant can’t market the drink on the kids’ meal.

Having water with that burger and fries isn’t going to solve our health problems. Although, they might as well ban juice given there are virtually no straws left for the little ones to drink out of their juice boxes with; since most major cities in the state have banned plastic straws. Too bad it’s not as simple as that. They’re drinking the sugar free California Kool Aid if they think that banning kids from drinking soda or juice with their burger and fries will stop obesity and kill cancer.

The answer to everything liberals don’t like is to ban it, under the guise of doing something noble. In this case it’s your little ones’ health that’s on the line. Apparently you, mom and dad, are unfit to make healthy decisions for your kids. You need the nanny state.

Some parents who oppose the bill disagree, thank you very much.

“I think the government shouldn't determine what's available when I, as a mother, know what's best for my child,” said Inez Deocio.

“As a parent, you should be able to decide for yourself whether your kid's going to have milk or water or soda. The state shouldn't be telling you that,” said Scott Gregory.

Yes, you can decide what is best for your child and no, the state should not be deciding that. California should have bigger fish to fry than worrying about what your child drinks for lunch — like the state’s economy and securing our borders.

While it may sound well intentioned and innocent enough on the surface to limit drink options for the sake of children’s health, every time you limit the rights of parents you expand the rights the government. This is the problem with the trending socialism that’s gaining popularity with liberals.

Big Government can’t even run the DMV effectively and we’re supposed to willingly allow them to make decisions in the best interest of our kids?

If we can’t be trusted to be our kids’ parents, then what’s our purpose? Banning straws, dictating the content of your kids’ meals; sensing a pattern? These precedents are intentional.

They are not well meaning initiatives meant to protect. They are calculated attempts to control.

Inch by inch, with every “well intentioned” liberal bill, California is moving closer to Orwell’s Big Brother and the precedent is set for government to rule your life. We could simply yield to what is marketed to us as what’s best for us, although the good people of Venezuela would beg to differ, and have a legitimate warning for us.

It just so happens the not only can the socialist paradise of Venezuela no longer dictate what children can have with their Happy Meals, the government may soon be unable to provide basic clean drinking water for its people. How’s that for utopia?

Big Brother is watching.  He knows what your kids are drinking. What next?
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FloridaDean

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Re: 8/21/2018
« Reply #70 on: August 21, 2018, 03:20:29 PM »

sheesh. banter is deader than I am after a weekend threesome.
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Threebean

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Re: 8/21/2018
« Reply #71 on: August 21, 2018, 03:38:06 PM »

sheesh. banter is deader than I am after a weekend threesome.
But a nice effort just the same (TWSS).
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FloridaDean

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Re: 8/21/2018
« Reply #72 on: August 21, 2018, 03:46:46 PM »

sheesh. banter is deader than I am after a weekend threesome.
But a nice effort just the same (TWSS).
👍
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Threebean

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Re: 8/21/2018
« Reply #73 on: August 21, 2018, 10:15:13 PM »

Dean's fault lull. 
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A Friend of Charlie

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Re: 8/21/2018
« Reply #74 on: August 21, 2018, 10:20:16 PM »

Dean's fault lull.
But we're gonna get 'er to the next page.
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