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Author Topic: 6/26/2014  (Read 56748 times)

Travellin Dave

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Re: 6/26/2014
« Reply #15 on: June 26, 2014, 01:54:03 AM »

Good morning guys.
Morning Chip.  The day has officially begun!
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LSUFAN

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Re: 6/26/2014
« Reply #16 on: June 26, 2014, 02:04:20 AM »

Good morning guys.
Morning Chip.  The day has officially begun!
Good morning Dave.
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Travellin Dave

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Re: 6/26/2014
« Reply #17 on: June 26, 2014, 02:09:01 AM »

“A small boy asks his Dad, "Daddy, what is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense." So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father having sex with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in Deep Shit.”
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Travellin Dave

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Re: 6/26/2014
« Reply #18 on: June 26, 2014, 02:11:09 AM »

“A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?" The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, her breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions." "Onions?" the son asks. "Yes. You see them and they make you cry." This infuriates his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, "Mom, how many different kinds of penises are there?" The mother smiles and says, "Well, dear, a man also goes through three phases. In his 20s, his penis is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it's like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it's like a Christmas tree." "A Christmas tree?" the daughter asks. "Yes: Dead from the root up, and the balls are just for decoration.”
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Travellin Dave

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Re: 6/26/2014
« Reply #19 on: June 26, 2014, 02:12:12 AM »

“A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, there are two left, but I like how you're thinking." Then Johnny asks the teacher, "You see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor. One is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream. Which one is married?" And the teacher responds, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!”
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Travellin Dave

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Re: 6/26/2014
« Reply #20 on: June 26, 2014, 02:13:49 AM »

“A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?" "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was...God, I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!" "Good," said the new husband, "but, why?" "You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get really screwed!”
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Travellin Dave

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Re: 6/26/2014
« Reply #21 on: June 26, 2014, 03:38:15 AM »

What happened Chip....no history?, no birthdays?  How can I start my day???
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LSUFAN

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Re: 6/26/2014
« Reply #22 on: June 26, 2014, 04:12:10 AM »

What happened Chip....no history?, no birthdays?  How can I start my day???
Sorry, internet is down and very little cell signal way out here in the country so I decided to go button up a few things on my never ending mower repairs.
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LSUFAN

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Re: 6/26/2014
« Reply #23 on: June 26, 2014, 04:14:49 AM »

Today is Thursday, June 26, the 177th day of 2014. There are 188 days left in the year.
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LSUFAN

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Re: 6/26/2014
« Reply #24 on: June 26, 2014, 04:15:43 AM »

Today's Highlight in History:

On June 26, 1974, the supermarket price scanner made its debut in Troy, Ohio, as a 10-pack of Wrigley's Juicy Fruit chewing gum costing 67 cents and bearing a Uniform Product Code (UPC) was scanned by Marsh Supermarket cashier Sharon Buchanan for customer Clyde Dawson. (The barcoded package of never-chewed gum is on display at the Smithsonian Institution's National Museum of American History in Washington, D.C.)
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LSUFAN

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Re: 6/26/2014
« Reply #25 on: June 26, 2014, 04:17:59 AM »

Today's Highlight in History:

On June 26, 1974, the supermarket price scanner made its debut in Troy, Ohio, as a 10-pack of Wrigley's Juicy Fruit chewing gum costing 67 cents and bearing a Uniform Product Code (UPC) was scanned by Marsh Supermarket cashier Sharon Buchanan for customer Clyde Dawson. (The barcoded package of never-chewed gum is on display at the Smithsonian Institution's National Museum of American History in Washington, D.C.)
Its a shame I can remember working in a bulky chain grocery store and having to price everything you put on the shelf, of course I still remember cashiers smoking at the register and most of the customers smoking while they shopped.
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LSUFAN

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Re: 6/26/2014
« Reply #26 on: June 26, 2014, 04:18:38 AM »

In 1483, Richard III began his reign as King of England (he was crowned the following month at Westminster Abbey).
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LSUFAN

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Re: 6/26/2014
« Reply #27 on: June 26, 2014, 04:19:03 AM »

In 1870, the first section of Atlantic City, New Jersey's Boardwalk was opened to the public.
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LSUFAN

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Re: 6/26/2014
« Reply #28 on: June 26, 2014, 04:19:52 AM »

In 1915, following a whirlwind courtship, poet T.S. Eliot married Vivienne Haigh-Wood in London. (The marriage proved disastrous, but the couple never divorced.)
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LSUFAN

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Re: 6/26/2014
« Reply #29 on: June 26, 2014, 04:20:30 AM »

In 1925, Charlie Chaplin's classic comedy "The Gold Rush" premiered at Grauman's Egyptian Theatre in Hollywood.
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